Sadness...

Well it is official we lost another baby this week. This is the second time this has happened this round.  It is technically our third baby we lost because the first time it was twins.  The first time we lost the twins it was really hard.  We met the couple in July.  He was going to medical school and she was going to law school and they just weren't ready for a family.  They wanted better for their baby girls and we were so excited.  I have always wanted twins so we were making all sorts of plans.  Towards the end of July they told us that some tragedy had happened.  Since this is a G rated blog I won't go into details but they told us that he had cancer and had lost some certain body parts.  Therefore, he could not have any more children and they were keeping the babies.  We know that they were lying and that almost hurt more than if they would have just told us the truth.  Why did they feel the need to lie to us?  Do they honestly think that we are gullible enough to believe their story.  Anyway, after that we moved on and a 16 year old girl contacted us.  She had had a really hard life and was pregnant at 15.   She knew that adoption was the right thing to do.  She wanted to give this baby a chance at life and she knew that by placing him for adoption he would have that chance that she could not give him.  For three months we have been on a roller coaster ride with her.  She told us that we were the ones.  She was upset that we didn't announce it to everyone but we tried to explain that we are private and we like to keep it quiet until it works out.  So many times it doesn't work out and it is so much easier not to have the whole world know that we got our hearts broken again.  Anyway, she had the baby last Sunday.  She didn't even call us to tell us she was in labor.  We had to find out from facebook.  Then when she was in the hospital she had all these people telling her that she needed to take him home for a few days before she made her decision.  She kept our hopes up by telling us all the time that she wanted to choose adoption she just had to do this first or that first.  Finally, on Wednesday when she brought him home we knew that it was over.  We knew that no matter what she told us she was going to keep him and we were right.  It has been so hard to go through this again.  Sometimes I just don't understand why we have to go through so many losses before we finally get our children.  We know that it is worth it in the end but it is so hard.  I am so tired of shedding tears of pain.  When is it my turn to instead shed tears of joy.  When will I get to hold my baby in my arms and have a wonderful birth mother follow through with her promises.  We have two of the most amazing and wonderful birth mothers in the whole world.  I can't even imagine the courage it took for each of them to give us their child.  We love them so much and can't wait for another birth mother to enter our lives that is just as wonderful as they are.  We know that there is another baby that is supposed to come to our home.  We don't know when that will be but we know that we have to keep going through this pain until it happens.  It helps so much to see Makayla's and Kyle's little faces every day and know that this pain is worth it.  In the end, when it finally happens for us, we will be happier than we have ever been before.